Bottle refusal in babies: what helped, what did not, and what I wish I knew
- Huey Shy Chau
- Jul 20
- 10 min read
Updated: Aug 1
Bottle refusal in breastfeeding babies is one of those things you hear about but secretly hope will not happen to you. I wish I had known just how complex and emotional it could get.
Our daughter, now 4.5, has always shown signs of being sensory sensitive. From early on, it was clear that feeding, how, when, and what, was going to be on her own terms.
Breastfeeding and bottle expectations: what the early days were like
I had decided to breastfeed and entered the experience with certain expectations. Ideally, I hoped to nurse most of the time while offering a bottle occasionally for convenience or when necessary.
In the first few days after birth, we cup-fed her with formula (in addition to nursing) while waiting for my milk to come in. I had read that introducing a bottle too early could interfere with breastfeeding, which is why we chose to use cup feeding at first. But I found it incredibly difficult. Holding a newborn with one hand while trying to feed them carefully with a tiny cup in the other was stressful and messy, and I felt so unsure of myself. My husband managed it far better than I did, and he took over all the cup feedings.
I was constantly anxious, worried about doing things wrong. On the first day, my nipples were painful and bleeding, and I did not know what to do. Once we were home from the hospital, I wanted to give breastfeeding a break so they could heal, but I worried that doing so might affect my supply. I called the Thomson Hospital lactation consultant, who advised me to express colostrum and feed it. But I could not figure out how to do it properly. Nothing came out. I probably squeezed incorrectly. In the end, we continued with cup feeding and formula.
Once my milk finally came in, things improved. But breastfeeding was still far from easy. I was focused on managing latch issues, healing, and building my supply.
We introduced a bottle around two weeks, when my husband returned to work. I used it only occasionally, mainly when I felt overwhelmed from the constant nursing. She nursed endlessly, and a bottle gave me a brief break, just enough time to go to the toilet or fix myself something to eat before she wanted to nurse again.
(Looking back, I made a major mistake thinking the Haakaa was just a milk collector when in fact, it is a pump. I used it on one side while feeding, and by the time I switched sides, there was little milk left. Baby had to nurse for a long time. It is so obvious to me now, but at the time, everything was a blur. I genuinely believed I was simply collecting milk that would otherwise go to waste. The benefit of the Haakaa was that I built my supply quickly. The downside was that I developed oversupply at two months, but that is another story.)
Sometimes after nursing, I would top her off with a bottle of breastmilk. But as I became more confident with nursing and as my supply built up, we used the bottle less and less. In hindsight, this probably contributed to the eventual bottle refusal, as she no longer had regular exposure. By eight weeks, she began to completely refuse the bottle. This was not mere fussiness. It was a firm and consistent refusal.
Returning to work: managing bottle refusal baby and reverse cycling
When I returned to work at five months postpartum, I walked into the situation with a lot of hope and a lot of anxiety. I was so worried about bottle feeding, and because it was the midst of COVID, we decided to hire a nanny after visiting several day cares (we had never planned to hire a nanny before). We ended up with a wonderful nanny, but despite all her patience and creativity, our daughter would go all day without feeding. She started what is known as reverse cycling: nursing almost exclusively at night and waiting for me to come home.
I had been pumping at work to maintain my supply, but she would not drink the milk. It was stressful. I had reduced my work to 80 percent so I could come home early, around 3:30 pm. But those seven to eight hours apart still felt painfully long, knowing she was waiting.
High lipase in breast milk: why your baby might refuse stored milk
I later found out I had high lipase in my milk. Lipase is an enzyme that breaks down fats, making the milk easier for babies to digest. But in some mothers (like me), the lipase activity is higher than usual. When stored, the milk can develop a soapy or metallic taste, though the timing of when this change happens is different for every mum. Some milk may start tasting different after just a few hours, others only after a day or two. It is worth testing to figure out your own time window. The milk is still completely safe, but many babies refuse it because of the taste.
To manage this, I started scalding my milk to deactivate the lipase before storing it. Scalding works by heating the milk to around 82°C (180°F), just until small bubbles form around the edge but before it boils, which stops the lipase from breaking down the fats further. After scalding, the milk needs to be quickly cooled (for example, in an ice bath) before freezing or refrigerating. Rapid cooling stops any further heat damage to the milk’s nutrients and helps prevent bacteria from growing. I kept a small pot and thermometer at work , that became my routine.
Unfortunately, by the time I discovered this, her bottle refusal was already deeply set. Even with scalded milk, she would not take it.
Bottle refusal solutions: what helped, what did not, and what I would try differently
I had researched bottle refusal online, read all the blogs and Reddit posts. And we tried everything we came across:
Feeding methods:
Different bottles and teats (narrow, wide, slow-flow, faster-flow). In the end, we liked the MAM bottles best.
Syringe, spoon, or open cup feeding.
Dipping the teat in milk first.
The ‘switcheroo’ method (starting on the breast, then sneaking in the bottle) , did not work. My baby knew.
Environmental strategies:
Switching caregivers and staying completely out of sight, even leave the house
Feeding in different positions (upright, side-lying, outward-facing).
Offering while drowsy or just waking up.
Skin-to-skin contact to mimic breastfeeding closeness.
Walking, bouncing, or using a carrier.
Letting baby play and mouth the bottle without pressure.
Different milk temperatures
Using milk-scented clothing (nursing bra or t-shirt)
Modelling with other children.
One day I read that a parent had put a bottle teat into a toy ball so the baby could explore it through play. I tried something similar, and to my surprise, she sucked on it.
We had also been experimenting with different milk temperatures for a while, and eventually, we discovered she preferred cold milk, straight from the fridge. Warmed milk, even at body temperature, was a hard no. Once we figured that out, our nanny occasionally managed up to 60 ml, usually by putting her in an outward-facing carrier and walking around while gently offering the bottle. These were still small amounts, but they felt like progress.
I think it was not just about sensory resistance but also taste , she did not like the flavour of my milk or the formulas we tried.
The least helpful? ‘Starving it out’. She would wait for me, no matter what. It was heartbreaking. o if anyone tells you not to worry , that the baby will surely drink if they're hungry , do not believe them. They do not know your baby.
In hindsight, one thing we did not try enough was different formulas. I did not know at the time that you could order sample packs. We had bought around 3 different cans we came across at the store, but they all went to waste. Looking back, I wish we had tried Enfamil A+ Gentlease, as my second took it very well.
Introducing solids: when feeding challenges continue beyond the bottle
I had been so looking forward to introducing solids, hoping it would take the pressure off and give us more flexibility. I felt such relief at the idea that I might no longer be her only source of nutrition, only to find myself right back in another cycle of worry.
Little did I know I was walking into a whole new set of challenges. She turned out to be a very cautious and selective eater. We tried baby-led weaning and followed every Solid Starts guideline. We pulled every trick for picky eaters, even got the Solid Starts picky eating guide. Today, she is in feeding therapy, as some of her patterns align with ARFID (Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder). But that is another story.
Although she never accepted the bottle, after turning one, she happily drank boxed cow’s milk, only through a straw, and only from the box. She also started enjoying yoghurt, but only from a pouch and only specific brands and flavours.
Emotional toll of feeding challenges
It was exhausting. I was working and still pumping during the day, even though she was not drinking the milk I stored. I did it to keep my supply up, because if you stop pumping during the hours when your baby would normally feed, your milk supply gradually decreases. I was determined to maintain it. I breastfed before leaving for work, pumped at work, and nursed again as soon as I got home. It was a lot to manage, but I wanted to make sure she would still have enough milk at night and on weekends.
As a first-time parent, I had not yet fully built my confidence. While it felt natural to prioritise my daughter, and I did so instinctively, I still struggled with the sudden loss of freedom that came with becoming a parent. I thought that if I could just get her to take a bottle, I might be able to go out again without worry and reclaim a small part of my independence. On the one hand, her bottle refusal meant I did not want to be away from her for more than three hours outside of working hours. On the other hand, I struggled to accept that I could not, or maybe did not even want to, be away for longer. Maybe part of that came from a fear of being judged for always having her with me, for bringing her everywhere. Looking back, I can see just how much mental weight that added on top of everything else.
A different experience with my second baby
With my first bottle refusal baby, if I could go back, I would tell myself: do not worry so much. She was growing well and fine with reverse cycling. It was tiring for me, but it passed. I wish I had accepted the situation. I don't regret spending the energy trying to change, but I do wish I spent less time worrying and stressing about it.
When my second child was born, everything unfolded quite differently. Early on, he had more exposure to bottles with formula because I couldn't care less about cup-feeding. In addition, I was recovering from a spinal headache and could not breastfeed as much. (Read about my spinal headache experience here). For the first three weeks, he even refused breastfeeding half of the time. It was stressful in its own way, but because I had the perspective and experience of having gone through bottle refusal with my firstborn, I also welcomed the change of not having to be the sole source of milk for my baby.
Nonetheless, I knew it was a different kind of exhausting to pump and prepare bottles, especially in the middle of the night, instead of simply nursing. So I stayed calm and was determined to gently guide him back to nursing. I always offered breastfeeding first. If he refused and cried for a bottle, I gave it to him and pumped, without panic or pressure. Gradually, he became comfortable nursing again, and soon, I was able to fully breastfeed.
Later on, he started refusing bottles, too , but I no longer saw it as a crisis. I kept breastfeeding him and continued offering bottles regularly, without pressure. One day, while riding the MRT, we decided to try bottle of formula, and to our surprise, he drank the whole thing. From that point on, he gradually became comfortable with both breast and bottle.
With my second bottle refusal baby, I think I was able to be more relaxed because I had already grown into my confidence as a parent and because we had more support. That shift changed everything. The grandparents were able to visit from overseas and helped care for the baby, so he was used to having multiple caregivers from the beginning. With my first, it was mainly just me during maternity leave and my husband after work. Because of COVID, no one could visit from overseas, and we only brought in a nanny after I returned to work. The difference in support made a big impact on how I coped.
My advice to other parents and what I wish I had known
If there’s one thing I would tell another parent going through bottle refusal, it’s this: stay calm, stay open, and let go of the pressure. Babies are learning and adapting in their own ways, and their preferences may shift – or they may not. It’s not always in our control, no matter how hard we try.
In hindsight, if there’s one thing I regret, it’s how much I stressed about it. I spent so much energy trying to fix something that, in the end, was simply part of our story. The best we can do is go with the flow and let go of expectations, especially the ones built on what we thought feeding would look like. This phase is temporary. One day, it will be behind you, and your focus will be on something entirely different. You will find your rhythm. It may not look like anyone else’s, but it will be yours. And that is more than enough.
Have you experienced bottle refusal? Share your story or tips in the comments. You never know who it might help.
Click below to download the printable poster: 'Bottle Refusal in Breastfed Babies'
Please note that this article is based on my personal experiences and is for informational purposes only. It is not medical advice, as I am not a healthcare professional. Additionally, this article contains affiliate links. If you click on a link and make a purchase, I may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you.
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